Andrew Carlssin Time Traveler from 2256
Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Street wiz on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he claims to be a time-traveler from the year 2256!
Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that 44-year-old Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny success in the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on January 28, 2003.
"We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a pathological liar," says an SEC insider.
"But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks' time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't be pure luck.
"The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside information. He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he agrees to give up his sources."
The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most investors crying in their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126 high-risk trades and came out the winner every time, it raised the eyebrows of Wall Street watchdogs.
"If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological breakthrough that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow knew about it in advance," says the SEC source close to the hush-hush, ongoing investigation.
When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning, they got more than they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession.
Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a fortune.
"It was just too tempting to resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his videotaped confession. "I had planned to make it look natural, you know, lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. But I just got caught in the moment."
Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's" claims are bogus. Yet the SEC source admits, "No one can find any record of any Andrew Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002." This is where the story takes another strange twist. While waiting arraignment in jail Carlssin just disappeared. What's even more surprising is that the story disappeared as well. No newspaper or media reports followed up on the original story. Repeated phone calls and emails to both the SEC and the FBI failed to even acknowledge the arrest of Carlssin.
Andrew Carlssin is alive and well and living in the Toronto area! "I don't know what all the fuss was about", said Carlssin. "The authorities and I came to a mutual understanding and I was released to leave the country."
Carlssin was a 44-year-old when the incident was reported three years ago, but he doubts that he has aged a day. When asked what he had been doing during the missing years, he chuckled and simply said, "No comment!"
The original story that appeared in the Weekly World News stated that Carlssin was from the future. Commenting on the story he said, "Timing is everything and everything happens in time. I am here now so this is my time."
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